1. Being innovative doesn’t justify writing a Civil War epic entirely in texting slang and emoticons: “ts u hor! i dnt gv dam :< !”
2. There’s this thing called punctuation. You might want to look into it.3. They’re afraid your author’s photo is going to alienate readers. That’s right, dude: You’re too ugly for literature.
4. Where are the vampires?
5. No, seriously, where are the vampires?