How to talk gooder

Found at Across-the-Board: j-walk blog.

• Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
  
• And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
  
• It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
  
• Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
  
• Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
  
• Be more or less specific.
  
• Remarks in brackets (however relevant) are (usually) (but not always) unnecessary.
  
• Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
  
• No sentence fragments.
  
• Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
  
• Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
  
• Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
  
• One should NEVER generalize.
  
• Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
  
• Don't use no double negatives.
  
• Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
  
• One-word sentences? Eliminate.
  
• Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
  
• The passive voice is to be ignored.
  
• Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
  
• Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
  
• Kill all exclamation points!!!
  
• Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
  
• Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
  
• Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
  
• Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
  
• If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
  
• Puns are for children, not groan readers.
  
• Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
  
• Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
  
• Who needs rhetorical questions?
  
• Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.